


Sketches Of A Soul

by Coby_Thinks



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Blood, EXPLICIT SELF HARM, Food mentions, I don't know what you expected, Janus is also a platonic soulmate, Just angst, Logan is a platonic soulmate, M/M, Multi, Patton Angst, Self Harm, Soulmate AU, Suicidal Thoughts, The one where you write on ur soulmate, but its angst, but there ya go, its angst, its not mentioned in the fic, legit don't read this if it'll trigger you, sympathetic everyone, that's all it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24655489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coby_Thinks/pseuds/Coby_Thinks
Summary: So this is a vent. It was written over the course of a few venting sessions the past few months, so sorry if the pacing isn't very consistent.also, please heed the trigger warnings.A Soulmate AU where what you write/draw on yourself appears on your soulmate as well. DLAMP with Janus and Logan being platonic (though that doesn't really effect the fic)Sympathetic Everyone. Patton-CentricWARNINGS: Self-harm, blood, explicit self-harm, suicidal thoughts, suicidal ideation, panic attacks, anxiety, food mentions, fear of rejection, etc.Sorry
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Deceit | Janus/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton (Sanders Sides)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 125





	Sketches Of A Soul

He’d told himself he’d stop. He’d told himself he wouldn’t need it anymore once the soulbond began. He wouldn’t draw lines across his arms and wrists, and he wouldn’t cover himself in ink until the dark thoughts went away.

He’d set aside his colorful sharpies, only to be used when he was talking to his soulmates. 

Now, though, the only option his mind would give him aside from the markers was the set of blades in the back of his closet.

And Patton really didn’t want to use the blades.

He sniffled, picking up a dark pink sharpie. Maybe he could hide this as some kind of artistic endeavor. A display of love. A smattering of hearts started at the crook of his elbow, but it did little to ease the aching need he felt across his arms and legs.

Tears welled up in Patton’s eyes, and he couldn't help but pull the marker across his wrist in a sharp, straight line. Then another. All the way up to his elbow, crossing through the hearts in a way he hated to think was symbolic.

What would they think of him? 

They’d only known him for a month and a half - there was no way anyone wanted to be stuck with a broken person like him. And… they didn’t need him. None of them did. They all had each other - god, they’d most certainly hate him for this.

Patton held back a sob, switching to scribbling across his bare legs. Two words over and over again, a mantra he’d written to himself so many times before the ink showed up on another person. On other people. It was bad enough to imagine one person knowing his secret, but there were four of them. Four! They didn’t need him - and they’d hate him for this.

None of them had responded to any of it yet. Roman, at least, always joined in on his drawings. Virgil sometimes completed sentences to be sarcastic. Janus always put question marks behind any statement and argued with Logan about things when he was bored. 

But none of them had written anything.

Patton bit his lip so hard it stung, abandoning all rhythm and scribbling furiously through the words and hearts on his thighs now.

Slowly, the way he knew it would, the desire and need to hurt himself faded into background noise. The way it usually was. Patton slowly capped his marker, letting it fall to the floor beside him as he sobbed. 

They knew.

Oh, god, someone knew.

Or would they not realize? Would they just think he was being his weird Patton self?

Would they ask?

If they asked, what would he say?

What could he say? He could never lie to them. He could never lie to his soulmates.

They still hadn’t written anything. Oh, goodness why hadn’t they written anything?

It was almost a relief when Patton felt the soft tickling sensation on his arm, but he didn’t look down to see what was being written until the sensation had been absent for another long moment.

It was a black marker - which would make him think it was Virgil unless they’d just used that to make the words visible over Patton’s scribbled lines. The words took a few minutes to understand, mostly because of how little sense they made.

‘You’re gonna be ok - breathe. Find something to do with your hands.’

“Wh-what…” Patton’s eyes filled with tears, but he managed to clasp his hands together and spin his thumbs around each other, watching in awe as more words appeared.

‘Just breathe, you’ll be okay, you don’t have to talk to us until you’re ready. -V’

Patton choked out a sob, burying his face in his hands. Oh… oh, Virgil wasn't… he wasn't upset. He didn't hate Patton.

It took a few minutes for Patton to regain his composure. He sat up, rubbing tears from his face as he watched the others -Roman and Logan and Janus- add their own gentle reassurances. God… they didn't hate him. Patton stood up, making his way over to his bed and falling into it, exhausted. He’d had a panic attack again, and he’d nearly resorted to cutting.

He just really wanted to sleep and never wake up - but he’d settle for a normal night’s rest even if he still had to get out of bed in the morning. After all, they didn’t hate him.

* * *

After that, Patton tried his best not to mention the incident. He just cracked jokes and wrote good mornings, and if he cut he made sure no blood stained his skin. The others asked about him, and he gave the barest of lies when he didn’t feel good. 

They’d met each other. They were all older than him, after all, and had been writing to each other for longer. They all lived together, in a soulmate housing complex, and consistently asked if Patton wanted to meet.

He always ignored the questions, not writing until they’d faded. And he felt bad. But what could he do? Scars didn’t appear on soulmates. They had no idea what he’d done to himself, and they might even think it wasn’t really a problem.

He missed them, even though he’d never met them.

And it hurt so bad.

All he knew was that they lived in the same city as him, but he tried not to think about that. Until, of course, he had to think about it.

He was at the park, walking with his earbuds in and watching dogs and kids run around. He did that a lot - maybe more than he should - and unfortunately, he was bad at paying attention to where he was going.

He tripped over a rock, tumbling to the ground in surprise. 

“Oh.” Patton rolled onto his back, chuckling slightly. He did like to look at the sunshine through leaves. And in the middle of summer, it was beautiful. Until a silhouette blocked the view.

Patton pulled out his earbuds, sitting up.

“Are you okay?” the person there asked, reaching out a hand. 

“Hah, yeah.” Patton took it sheepishly, his sleeve riding up slightly. “Sorry to worry you, kiddo! I’m just clumsy, that’s all.” the person wasn’t looking at Patton’s face, though. He was staring at the bit of Patton’s arm that was exposed, showing the to-do list Logan had written the day before.

“Patton?” the person's head shot up, a smile spreading over it, and Patton was pulled into a hug. He froze for a second, breath catching as he realized that the person shared all the doodles. “Oh my god, I found you! I didn’t even know you lived around here, you are Patton, right?” the person pulled back, eyes wide. Patton nodded.

“Uh, yeah, that’s me.” he forced a smile, avoiding his soulmate’s gaze.

“I’m Janus.” he smiled widely, brushing Patton’s hair out of his face. “How are you?”

“I’m okay,” Patton said out of habit, shrugging. “Didn’t expect to run into you here!”

“Ah, I’m just here because-” Janus froze, eyes widening. “Roman’s gonna kill me if I don’t call him! He jogs here and wanted me to come. Then he left me behind because he’s a dick.”

“Oh.” Patton rubbed his arm absently as Janus pulled out his phone, and a few minutes later a second person came down the path. He looked just like Patton imagined Roman would, really. Like a Disney prince.

“Is it really you?” Roman asked, taking Patton’s hands dramatically.

“Sure is!” Patton smiled, the fear and uncertainty giving way to giddiness. He was meeting them! He was actually meeting his soulmates! “And you must be Roman! I’m so happy to meet the two of you!”

“Ah!” Roman swept Patton into a hug, spinning him around. Patton giggled, burying his face in Roman’s shoulder.

“Oh, you’re both drama queens,” Janus noted. “Logan is going to lose it.”

“Oh, I’m a drama queen?” Roman sputtered. “You ranted for half an hour about society being a construct! Don’t leave yourself out of this!”

“It is a construct.” Janus rolled his eyes. “Literally everything is a construct. Nothing is real.”

“Oh, save it, Dr. Chuckle.” Roman scoffed. Patton giggled, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Patton, are you busy, or do you want to go see Lo and Vee? They’ve been dying to meet you as well, you know!”

“Oh, yeah.” Patton nodded, despite the worry and fear twisting his stomach. “Sure. I mean… I don’t have anything going on today.” 

Roman cheered, and Patton let himself be hugged again and then taken by the hand - Roman on one side and Janus on the other, the saps - and brought to the apartment the others shared a few blocks away.

In the back of Patton's mind, he was terrified. Wondering what on earth he was doing - they were going to find out about everything, now. He hid the feeling, smiling as Roman threw open the door and called for Virgil and Logan. As Janus pulled Patton out of the way before Roman tripped on the doormat and fell into where he’d been. As two faces Patton already loved appeared in the doorway to the kitchen and the office.

“What the hell, Princey?” the one in the office, groaned, rubbing his eyes. It was probably Virgil, judging by his eyeshadow and black clothes. “What is going on?”

“Ah, you’ve brought a guest.” the other, who had to be Logan, adjusted his glasses. 

“No, you buffoons!” Roman huffed. “It’s Patton!”

“Awe, be nice.” Patton gasped. “They didn’t know!”

“Patt…” Virgil’s eyes widened and he stumbled through the hallway, wrapping him in a tight hug. “Oh my god, it’s you.”

“Hey, Vee.” Patton rested his forehead on Virgil’s shoulder, melting into the touch. His hug was enthusiastic, yeah, but there was something different about it. It was warm and soft, probably to do with the hoodie Virgil wore opposed to Janus’s spiked jacket and Roman’s bony figure.

“Do you live around here?” Logan wondered. “Or did you travel here without informing us? If so, we’d happily-”

“I-I live here,” Patton said quickly, eyes flying open. He stepped from Virgil’s embrace, rubbing his arm. “Have all my life, actually. I’m actually kinda surprised we didn’t meet earlier…” Not to mention relieved. This was the first time most of his scars were healed up in a while, as he’d been once again trying to stop cutting.

“All this time and we’ve been so close to you!” Roman mourned dramatically, fainting onto the couch. Patton smiled lightly at the antics, feeling warmer and happier than he had in… years.

Things would be okay. He had to believe that.

* * *

Things were going smoothly, so far. Patton hadn’t moved in with them yet, but they were working on the paperwork for it. If any of them remembered the ‘incident’ a few years back, they didn’t bring it up. Which was nice. Patton still hadn’t completely stopped cutting - and he’d gotten himself a new bracelet as a result to hide the healing cuts - but he was getting better about it.

He should have known something would go wrong.

“Ow!” Patton hissed when he bumped into the wall, still not used to the layout of his soulmates apartment. He needed to pay more attention until he was good at walking - fuck.

A cut on his shoulder had reopened, and he could already feel the blood trailing down toward his elbow.

Oh no, no no no no no this was bad. He’d gone for two years without letting blood drip when he cut, and now he’d screwed it up when he’d already met them!

Patton ducked quickly into the bathroom locking the door behind him as he pulled his shirt up over his head, grabbing toilet paper to try and clean it. Maybe they wouldn’t notice. Maybe blood didn’t really stain like he was afraid it would. Maybe-

“Patton?” Ah, shit. Patton winced as he held the toilet paper to his arm. Roman was outside the door, knocking gently. “You in there?”

“Oh, yeah!” Patton said, falsely cheerful. “I’ll be out in a sec, what’s up?”

“Are you okay?”

“Of course!” Patton lied, pulling the paper away as the bleeding slowed, cut scabbing over. There was still a faint red stain across his arm, and he had to hope it wasn’t showing up on the others. “Why wouldn't I be?”

“I just… I think somebody’s hurt.” Roman said uncertainly. “Did you not feel it? Check your shoulder, Pat. Is that blood?” well shit.

“Uh, not sure.” Patton pulled his shirt back on, stuffing the bloody toilet paper into his pocket. After just a moment he pulled the door open, frowning in concern when Roman met his gaze with teary eyes. “Ro?”

“Did you see it?” Roman asked, pulling him into a hug. “S- He- oh, god. I need to call Virgil, I need to make sure he’s okay… I…”

Roman’s phone rang before he could even get it from his pocket and he answered it, still hugging Patton gently.

“Vee, are you okay!? I thought-” He broke off, listening for a moment. “It's not… you?”

“What’s going on, Roman?” Patton asked, confused, and terrified at what this might mean. Might Virgil be so good at calming his nerves because… he’d dealt with all of this already? Did Virgil know? Did he see the warning signs Patton was sure he gave off despite his best effort?

“And… Logan?” Roman asked after a moment, letting go of Patton and stepping back, shaking his head. “Not Logan… Janus is asleep, though.”

A beat of silence and Patton inched his way toward the kitchen, hoping to escape the conversation that was sure to come. 

“Wh- of course not! We’re both right here, and-” Roman froze, head snapping to Patton, who stared back. “Patton... what were you doing in there?”

“Um…” Patton changed course, hurrying toward the exit. “I need to go.”

“Wait- oh, god, Vee I’ll call you back,” Roman said as Patton yanked the front door open, fleeing into the afternoon light. “Patton wait a second!”

They had plans tonight. They were having a movie night when Logan and Virgil got back from the store. Patton was leaving, and he was ruining everything. He always ruined everything, because he was so freaking stupid.

“Patton, please talk to me!”

Patton ignored Roman’s calls, making it to his car and locking himself inside before Roman could reach him. Roman stood on the sidewalk, shoulders slumped in defeat, as Patton avoided his gaze and drove away.

When Patton got home, he was a mess. He hated himself more than he ever had, and he didn’t even care that he ended up in the bathroom with a razor blade in his hand, staring at his reflection as he cut. 

And cut.

He didn’t care about the blood anymore, because they knew.

God, he was useless. He was weighing them all down, and he knew it. Maybe the world would be better off without him, after all.

Patton burst into tears as he registered the thought in his mind. The blade tumbled from his grip into the sink and he leaned on it, sobbing uncontrollably. 

It had been years since he wanted so desperately to stop existing. Sure, he still felt like a piece of shit, and hated himself sometimes… but he’d been getting better. At least he thought he had been… so what changed? Was he just always destined to be depressed and kill himself? Why did he even have soulmates if he was bound to die young, especially at his own hands? 

“Shit.” Patton stared down at the blood. Way too much blood. “Shit. Shit shit shit.”

His phone was ringing again. It had been since he left his soulmates apartment. 

It was only a few feet away. But it seemed impossible to go answer it. 

Patton tore his gaze away from the mirror, breaking the spell that had him imagining his own death, and fell to his knees next to his bag, fumbling for the phone.

“Patton?”

“R-Roman…” Patton swallowed back sobs. “I-I messed up… I… fuck.”

“Where are you?” Roman asked, voice surprisingly composed.

“Home,” Patton whispered, glad that they knew where he lived now, after driving him home when his car broke down. “There’s too much, Roman, I… I’m so sorry, I’m just-”

“You’re going to be okay.” Roman insisted bracingly. “We’re on the way, alright? Can you try and stop the bleeding?”

“Oh yeah.” Patton sniffled, putting the phone on speaker and leaving it next to him on the floor as he fished the first aid kit from under the sink. His right arm was in so much pain, and it felt weak, but he rarely cut his left, leaving it in much better condition. “I… I’m so sorry…”

“Can you stay on the phone?” Roman asked. Patton heard the sound of car doors and muffled voices from the other end. 

“Y-yeah…” Patton sniffled, hating himself for ruining the movie night. “I’m sorry, Ro… I didn’t mean to.. I…”

“Hey, no apologizing allowed.” Roman scolded playfully. “We’re almost there, alright?”

“Kay.” Patton sniffled, holding bandages to his arm as the bleeding slowly stopped. He heard them leave the car on the other end, no doubt heading up to his apartment. Patton gently took the soiled bandages from his arm, relieved to see that the bleeding had slowed to a sluggish ooze. He didn’t need stitches, probably. But he was sure that was the least of his worries. 

“Where are you?” Roman asked gently.

“Bathroom,” Patton mumbled, wrapping gauze around the wounds. “One sec… I’ll be right out…”

“Is your door locked?”

“Of course.” Patton sniffled. He wasn’t stupid, he lived in a not very good apartment complex. He finished wrapping them and picked up his phone, wincing as his arm throbbed. “Be right there.” He hung up before Roman could say anything, sticking the phone in his pocket as he made his way to the bedroom and located a large hoodie, pulling it on despite the pain.

When he opened the door, he was immediately pulled into one of Roman’s bear hugs. He closed his eyes, burying his face in Roman’s shoulder. 

“D’you wanna stay here or go to ours?” Janus asked softly. “Logan and Virgil just need to know where to go.”

“Yours.” Patton whimpered, guilt and shame curling in his stomach as he thought of the mess they’d find in his bathroom. “Please.”

“Alright.” Roman rubbed his back, nodding. “Where’s your wallet?”

“Kitchen table.”

Within moments, Janus was back with Patton’s wallet and keys, and they were closing and locking the door behind them. Roman hadn’t let him go, keeping him securely within his grasp. It was comforting, and Patton was glad he didn’t have to ask for it. Asking for comfort always made him feel like an awful person.

“Virgil and Lo are nearly back home,” Janus said as they got into his car. “Just take it easy, Pat. You’re gonna be okay.” Patton didn’t respond, instead just burying his face in Roman’s shirt once again.

* * *

“Hoodie. Off. Now.” Virgil said the moment they arrived and settled into the couch. 

“Vee!” Roman protested, reaching to hug Patton again.

“Shut it, Ro.” Virgil snapped. “This could be way worse than mine ever was, and I need to know if we’re going to the ER.”

“Wh- okay.” Roman held up his hands, glancing worriedly at Patton. Patton reached to pull the hoodie off, only to wince when trying to use his right arm.

“Here.” Logan gently gripped the hem, pulling it up over Patton’s head as gently as possible. 

Patton closed his eyes upon hearing the quick intake of air from his soulmates as they gasped. He knew what it looked like, all the scars from cutting and burning. Fun fact; burns didn’t show up on soulmates as long as they didn’t bleed.

“Just here, today?” Virgil asked, taking Logan’s place and gently taking Patton’s bandaged arm. Patton nodded, staring at the floor. “The bleeding’s stopped, huh?” another nod. “Anything under the bandages? Neosporin or anything?”

“N-no.” Patton sniffled slightly. “Ran out.”

He didn’t usually cut anywhere but his shoulders and thighs… but today he’d just lost it. Part of him truly thought he’d die of blood loss, and the cuts on his forearm and wrists were made accordingly. He wouldn’t have to hide them if he was dead, after all.

“Any infections?” Logan asked, surveying the multitude of scars on Patton’s chest and stomach from when he burned himself.

“No.” Patton gently pulled his arm from Virgil’s grip, and Virgil let go immediately. “I’m fine.”

“Patton.” Janus’s low voice brought Patton’s head up, and he frowned uncertainly at his soulmates. “You don’t have to be okay.”

Patton’s breathing hitched and he held back a sob, staring down at the floor again. He pulled off his glasses before he could start crying, letting Logan take them and put them safely on the coffee table. 

“I-I’m so sorry!” he choked out. “I-I… I’ve… I’ve been trying to stop, I promise… I-I… I didn’t want you to know!”

“We aren’t mad, Patton,” Virgil said gently. 

“I’m a little mad, but it’s not at you.” Roman supplied, followed by an indignant yelp when someone probably elbowed him. “What?”

“Not the time, Princey.” Virgil sighed. “Patton, listen. This doesn’t change the fact that we care about you, alright? None of us will turn on you or think any less of you. We just want you to feel better.”

“I-I-I know!” Patton sobbed, shaking his head. “B-But… I still feel… I still feel stu-stupid!”

“You are not stupid,” Logan said firmly. “You are upset. That is alright. Everyone deals with struggles, Patton.”

“I-I just…” Patton wiped his eyes trying to compose himself. “I’m just so tired…”

“You do need rest, after today.” Virgil murmured.

“First eat and drink something.” Janus piped up, supplying a glass of water that Patton thankfully emptied. He took a moment to finally look at his soulmates, hating the stain of red on each of their right arms. 

“I’ll get blankets.” Roman stood, hurrying to the bedroom. Patton watched him go guiltily but accepted the piece of pizza Logan offered him.

“Movies, or no? Either way, you need to sleep.” Virgil said, positioning a pillow behind Patton’s head. 

“I don’t care.” Patton sighed, avoiding his gaze. They were going to baby him forever now, weren’t they? He hated that, but he couldn't get himself to be upset anymore. He was tired, and he wanted to sleep.

Roman returned with blankets, and Patton managed to grab his wrist and pull him onto the couch, curling up against his chest. Roman chuckled lightly, wrapping him in a blanket. What could Patton say? Roman was a jock, and he was big enough to make Patton feel safe. Even when the person Patton was scared of was himself.

* * *

“S-So… first of all,” Patton took a few slow breaths, staring at the floor to avoid their gazes. “Th- I don’t… most of that wasn’t from recently.”

“The scars.” Virgil clarified. Patton nodded, shoulders hunching slightly. “Okay.”

“I-I… um…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” Logan said. “We simply want to help you get better, Patton. We would never be upset at you over this.”

“Wh- why?!” Patton burst out, lifting his head despite the tears in his eyes. “Y-You… of course you’re upset with me! I-I lied to you all and I hid this from you and I avoided you f-for… for years! Why aren’t you upset?!”

“Because we’re not assholes.” Virgil sighed. “Pat… we aren’t mad you didn’t want to meet us in person. Especially while you were working on your own mental health. It’s a lot. There’s a lot of us. You need to put yourself first sometimes.”

“But I still-”

“You are human.” Roman murmured from where he sat with his head in his hands. “And we’re not upset with you.”

“Then who are you angry at?” Patton demanded, hugging himself gingerly. “I can tell you’re angry, Roman!”

“I’m not angry!” Roman snapped. 

Patton winced, head dropping again as guilt raced through him. Roman sighed, getting up and leaving the room without another word. Patton pursed his lips into a flat line, trying to hold back the sobs that threatened to erupt from inside him. 

“Jay, can you…”

“Yes, yes.” Janus sighed, following Roman down the hall. Patton curled in on himself, trying and failing to slow his panicked breathing.

“Roman isn’t mad at you,” Virgil said slowly. Patton just laughed sadly, blinking tears out of his face. “Listen, Pat. I don’t know how you feel or what you’re thinking or why or when or how any of this started, but I know Roman. And I know how he reacts to this because we’ve gone through it a few times already.”

Patton grabbed a couch pillow, not responding as he smashed it a few times before hugging it. What could he say? He didn’t want to be bringing up bad memories for his soulmates… but it was too late. He’d done it.

“Roman doesn’t understand why someone would hurt themselves,” Logan said, putting a hand on Patton’s shoulder. “Not really. He does, however, understand that it means you are in intense pain. He would never be angry at you for hurting, Patton. You know him.”

“Yeah,” Patton whispered, wiping the tears away slowly. 

“He gets angry at the thought that the world let you suffer. He gets angry at himself for letting you suffer, and then at himself for being angry about it.” Virgil sighed. “It sucks, and it’s hard to deal with, but he’s working on it.”

“I ju-just…” Patton hiccoughed a few times and sighed. “I didn’t… I thought you’d all… I don't know.”

“You expected rejection of some kind,” Logan noted, and Patton nodded thankfully. “We are trying to tell you that you have not been rejected in any way, shape, or form. We want you to be happy, and we will be with you through whatever it takes.”

“I-I am happy,” Patton whispered brokenly, tears starting once again. “I’m happy so much… every day. I don’t know… I don’t know why… some days it's just different and I mess up and then I have to start over and… and I’ve been trying.”

“How long have you been dealing with this?” Virgil asked softly.

“Since… I was fifteen or so…” Patton said guiltily, wincing as he realized he’d spent five years of his life in this cycle. “But I’m so much better, recently, and it just… I didn’t want you all to know.”

“Okay.” Virgil sighed, nodding slowly. “I’m guessing… before you turned eighteen you drew on yourself instead?” 

“...yeah.” Patton breathed, biting his lip.

“Well, you can do that again. We won’t get mad and we won’t bug you about it unless you want us to.” Virgil said firmly. “You haven’t done it once since the time two years ago, and that probably hasn’t helped you at all.”

“Yeah.” Patton buried his face in the pillow, feeling the anxiety and fear start to slowly ebb away. Not all of it, not even close to all of it, but they didn’t hate him. They weren’t going to leave him over this. That was… good.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, Vee.” Patton took a few more deep breaths. “Thank you… I guess.”

“Hey, we’re here for ya,” Virgil promised, pulling him into a gentle hug. “Want to go check on Roman and Jay?”

“Yeah.” Patton rubbed his eyes and stood up, taking Virgil’s hand. 

Roman was doing pushups when they got to the bedroom, Janus was sitting on the bed watching, holding a stopwatch timer in his hand. Patton knew enough to know that Roman worked out to deal with his anger issues, which only added to his belief that Virgil and Logan had been telling the truth.

“Time,” Janus said, looking up at them as the watch beeped. “How many?”

“I didn’t count.” Roman stood up, turning to see them and wincing. “Patt, I’m so sorry, love…” 

“It's okay.” Patton wrapped his arms around Roman’s chest. “I’m okay.”

“Good.” Roman hugged him back. Patton could still feel the tense way Roman held himself, though he was much calmer than he had been when he left. 

“Movie night?” Patton stepped back, smiling cheekily.

“It’s not even afternoon yet.” Logan pointed out.

“Oh hush, specs, we’re gonna watch movies!” Roman declared. “And we’re all gonna have a good time and enjoy each other's company!”

“If you insist.” Janus rolled his eyes, joining them as they made their way out to the living room. “I suppose we can allow ourselves some pleasure.”

“I don’t like the way you said that.” Virgil narrowed his eyes playfully and Patton giggled. Janus rolled his eyes.

“Oh calm down. I’m not insinuating anything other than a wonderful soulmate bonding session.”

“That still-”

“He knows what he’s doing.” Logan elbowed Janus with a chuckle. Janus winked at Patton as they all settled on the couch, sending Patton into another fit of giggles.

The group of five shuffled around a bit, trying to get comfortable, but after a few minutes, they’d managed to get into a fairly cozy cuddle pile. Patton let his head fall onto Roman’s shoulder, as he was wedged gently between him and Logan.

He felt safe, Patton realized as the first movie started. He felt safe and happy and warm. And loved. He smiled, snuggling closer to his soulmates, and resolved once again to try his best and take care of himself more.

He had something to live for, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry.
> 
> Love you all,  
> -Coby


End file.
